Reuben, Reuben, I've been thinking
What the heck have you been drinking?
Looks like water, tastes like wine
Oh, my gosh, it's turpentine

I've got a dog; his name is Rover
He's a very clever pup
He will stand upon his hind legs
If you hold his front legs up

Reuben, Reuben, I've been thinking
What a silly world this would be
If the monkeys lived in houses
And we swung from tree to tree

There's no need to light a night light
On a light night like tonight --
For a night light's light is slight light
When the moonlight's white and bright

Reuben, Reuben, I've been thinking
What a funny world this would be
If jet planes lived in apartments
And we flew across the sea.

(See also: Reuben and Rachel Versions 1, 2, and 3)