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Sir Smasham Uppe

Written by: E. V. Rieu

Good afternoon, Sir Smasham Uppe!
We're having tea: do take a cup!
Sugar and milk? Now let me see-
Two lumps, I think?...Good gracious me!
The silly thing slipped off your knee!

Pray don't apologize, old chap;
A very trivial mishap!
So clumsy of you? How absurd!
My dear Sir Smasham, not a word!
Now do sit down and have another,
And tell us all about your brother-
You know, the one who broke his head.
Is that poor fellow still in bed?-

A chair-allow me, sir!...Great Scott!
That was a nasty smash! Eh, what?
Oh, not at all: the chair was old-
Queen Anne, or so we have been told.
We've got at least a dozen more:
Just leave the pieces on the floor.

I want you admire our view:
Come nearer to the window, do;
And look how beautiful...Tut, tut!
You didn't see that it was shut?
I hope you are not badly cut!
Not hurt? A fortunate escape!
Amazing! Not a single scrape!

And now, if you have finished tea,
I fancy you might like to see
A little thing or two I've got.
That china plate? Yes, worth a lot:
A beauty too...Ah, there it goes!
I trust it didn't hurt your toes?
Your elbow brushed it off the shelf?
Of course: I've done the same myself.

And now, my dear Sir Smasham - Oh,
You surely don't intend to go?
You must be off? Well, come again.
So glad you're fond of porcelain!

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